When It Rains... It Pours

I have had pain in my left ear for over a month.  I had an appointment to see the Ear Nose and Throat doctor today.  But then I had a wacky breakout of symptoms on Saturday.  I got severe vertigo, a pounding headache, ear pain, blurred vision and sinus pain.  I went to Urgent Care twice, and then to the ER so they could do a head CT.  The head CT only showed a sinus infection, which was good.  I mean does anyone really want a stroke?  No.

I got home from the ER at about 6 on Sunday.  Two hours later there was a bright swirling mass in the peripheral area of my left eye.  On Monday the eye doctor insisted I come in immediately.  I had to drop $40 on a cab because we don't have a car and I couldn't set up a ride last minute like that.  The eye showed an abnormality where I lost vision so they sent me to the retinal surgeon today. I show up and they dilate my eyes and peak inside.  The surgeon ruled out a detached retina but sent me to do a field vision test.  By this time I'd already missed my ENT appointment.  Grrr.  The test showed a large area in which I couldn't see.

One last test was evaluated.  I had to have pictures of my retina taken.  The scan showed that my retina is thin where the vision is lost, and he said that a clot wouldn't caused this.  He told me my vision may or may not come back.  I have to repeat the tests in two weeks.

As for the ENT I have to reschedule that for as soon as possible.  I'm still having ear pain and a lot of pressure in my sinuses. I get sinus infections often so I know how they are.  I'm just so aggravated I have to go all the way back into Boston for another appointment.  I live 20 miles away in a suburb of Lowell and with traffic, that's a long ride.

Dreams and Nightmares

I've said this before.  I am Bipolar.  One of the side effects of being Bipolar is vivid dreaming.  I have very life-like dreams, most of which are nightmares, and I can remember them for a few hours after waking up.  Some might think this is cool, but when you have continuing stressful dreams it can get overwhelming.  For instance, last night I dreamed I was at a lake house on Lake Ontario, when some kind of Asian Militia started bombing the shore.  Then a landing party arrived and held us at gunpoint while they stole all our soda.  It was strange.

I often wonder if I should start a diary of my dreams.  Many people suggest I should.  Though what's the point?  Am I really going to read them again?  IS anyone else going to want to read about the strange depraved dreams I have?

Recently I have been dreaming about the University of Ottawa.  It'd been in my dreams for 3 nights in a row.  I've never been to the University of Ottawa, though I am in love with the city itself.  Zdeno Chara went there, though I've been less obsessed with him and the Bruins since the Bruins have been doing so poorly this year.  (Last night they gave up a 3-0 lead to the Calgary Flames and lost in overtime.)  Maybe I'm meant to move to OTtawa and study there?  Ha ha, no.  I would lose everything I had here.  Though I would gain seeing an Aunt whom I love dearly. You should not tie your future into a dream, which are just a fantasy your brain is making up.

Occasionally I will share some of the good dreams I have with people on Facebook.  A very abridged version that is.  No one wants all the details.  But I tend to do this when people on Facebook are actually in my dreams.  I have the traditional High Schoopl Angst dreams still, and I'm 35 years old!

I take medication to try and keep the nightmares at bay.  Did you know that there is medication out there that can do that?  I take blood pressure medication for that.  My blood pressure is 100% fine and in the normal range, but one of the side effects of this medication is a reduction in nightmares.  It doesn't help completely but I have fewer of the absolutely mind blowing wet your pants kind of nightmares.  I have to confess, I like my Voldemort dreams.  They're frightening but they're a lot of fun.

The Hunger Games, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and Harry Potter

I saw Mockingjay Part 1 this week, and while it was mostly true to the book, I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as I loved the 1st 2 movies.  Catching Fire is still my favorite.  Especially the scene on the beach when Katniss tells Peeta "I need you."  It's such a beautiful moment.  But Mockingjay Part 1 was well done, don't get me wrong, yet it was not my favorite book.  A lot of people who I like die.  I won't say who in case you haven't read the book.  But it's very depressing.

I also saw the Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies a month and a half ago.  Somehow the Hobbit I found rather boring.  It should not have been stretched so far.  I know that they added background scenes in, but the trilogy was no Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

If I had to pick a favorite series, it would probably be The Hunger Games, then Lord of the Rings, then Harry Potter.  Clearly I like the fantastical series.  The Hunger Games is set in a post apocalyptic world.  It's not really fantasy per se.  I do like it better than any other post apocalyptic movies or books.

Perhaps the reason I love these series so much is not just because they were incredibly well made, but because they were mostly true to the very impressive books.  I wasn't sure I was going to like the Hunger Games when I first went to see it in the theaters without having read the book.  The movie stood well on it's own.  I wanted to see it again and again, so when it was released onto BluRay, I purchased it.  Then I read the books.  I couldn't wait for Catching Fire to come out and when it did I was beside myself, it was so good.

The Lord of the Rings, I saw the Fellowship of the Rings, knowing absolutely nothing about Lord of the Rings.  After I saw it I read the books and became a fanatic.  Harry Potter I saw the first movie grudgingly, (I don't like all the hype), but it was amazing.  I saw the second one immediately, which was in the second run theaters at the point.  Then I read as many books as J.K. Rowling had published.  Afterwards, I was one of those people who got the new books out at midnight on the release date.  When I get into a series, I really get into it.

I look forward to the conclusion of The Hunger Games series.  I wonder which series that has yet to be written that I will become obsessed with next?

Valentine's Day and More Snow

Valentine's Day used to be a holiday I hated.  Then seven years ago, I posted an ad on February 13th on Craigslist, and I got only one of many responses in which the replier spoke in complete sentences.  I began communicating with this man online through email and AOL IM.  We spent the next few months just chatting, getting to know each other a little more.  Finally on March 30th we had our first date.  We watched Back To The Future,ordered in dinner, and just hung out. Then we stayed in touch for another year but didn't see each other.  I even dated someone else.  But a year after our first date I asked if we could try the dating thing again.  And we did.  That man is now my husband.  I no longer fear Valentine's Day.  It just reminds me of my one true love.  Once we were engaged, my fiance bought me a diamond heart.  Nothing expensive, just tiny diamonds in a silver heart.  A few years later he bought me Mr.Bear.

This Valentine's Day, my husband got me a red rose.  I made him dinner.  Terrikayi Steak Tips with Pierogies and Corn.  His favorite.

So the snow.  Boiston has something like 8 feet of snow now and we're expecting more tomorrow.  Where we live it's a few feet less, but it's still ridiculous.  The MBTA announced today that if there are no more snow storms, it will take a month to get everything back on schedule.  That's insane.  I don't have to commute since I don't work, but for those that normally have a 3-4 hour commute a day, it becomes 6-7 hours.

And the cold has been bad.  Last night the temperation was only -5F with a windchill of -25F.  Our apartment has never been so cold.  The poor piggies.  I cuddled them and they liked that.  Now at least the heat seems to be working.  Tonight it's only down to 1F.  Enough with the cold and the snow!

Weight...The Enemy of Us All

Growing up I always thought I was fat and out of shape.  I was actually quite thin from sixth grade up to about 11th grade.  And the being out of shape?  That was actually my untreated asthma.  It's amazing how warped a teenage mind can be.  I thought I was fat because I weighed more than all my friends.  What I didn't take into consideration was my height (I am and was 5' 8") and the fact that I had a large chest.  I ate what I wanted and thought that I couldn't possibly be thin since I didn't diet.  

That's me on the left in 9th grade.  I wasn't a stick but I was thin.  Now I struggle with obesity.  I was in the morbidly obese classification until only very recently, and I'm still quite heavy.  I long for the days when I was actually thin.  And my asthma hasn't gone away either.  In elementary school I played soccer, and I always had trouble in warmups thinking I was out of shape.  I thought I was out of shape for years, when in fact my breathing was labored for a medical reason.  

People say they wish they could be a kid forever, without the responsibilities of an adult.  I say that's silly because the years I've spent with my husband have been the happiest of my life.  But I long for the body I had back then, which as I understand it, is a common thing amongst adults.  

This is me on my wedding day, 4 years ago.  I'm 40 pounds thinner now, but as you can see I got quite large.  Body image is such a difficult thing for adults, both male and female.  Once when I was 18 and starting to get a little heavy, someone told me I look like my sister but I eat more.  I was mortified.  And yet I didn't change my diet and slowly grew to be 322 pounds.  I've lost 80 pounds since then and I still have a long way to go.  I was forced to care about my diet when this year I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes.  I changed my diet, lost some weight, and brought my glucose back down to a normal level.  Eating right is so hard especially when I love things like pierogies.  But I am not going to let myself continue to be so overweight.  I am slowly losing weight and I will continue to do so.  I don't want to die young.  

I have been entirely honest about my weight.  I hope one day to post current pictures of myself looking svelte.  Until then more hard work.