Am I Just A Bad Person?

I think everyone at some point in their lives has asked that question.  "Am I a bad person?"  I always thought I was a good person because deep in my heart I mean well and I have great capacity to love.  I try and think the best of people but I think deep down I'm lazy, incompetent as a house-wife, and I feel like I might be a racist.  Okay, I just put a lot out there.  Let's break it down piece by piece.

I can't seem to hold a job.  Which is a big problem because I can't seem to get a job.  I think that at heart I want to work and do something meaningful.  I really wanted to go to school to learn to be a vet tech.  That would have been meaningful.  But working at CVS is killing me and making me think I can't work.  I need the right fit.  I need to do what I know how to do.  I know Purchasing.  I'm not all there yet, but I know I can learn on that career path and take night school classes in business to further my understanding of Purchasing.  Maybe I'm full of myself, thinking I'm too good to perform minimum wage jobs.  Am I too good for them or am I just too lazy to work them?  I know I can't be on my feet all day.  I've figured that out.  I need a desk job.

Why do I think I'm a terrible housewife?  Well our apartment is a mess.  I hate cleaning.  Which is funny because I like to be organized.  I call it organized chaos.  I can usually find what I'm looking for in little time it just looks disgusting.  And the kitchen is almost nonfunctional it's so messy.  We don't have any pests other than fruit flies.  I don't know what is wrong with me I just can't seem to get myself to clean.

As for the last it kills me to even suggest that I might be a little bit of a racist, but honestly I think there are few people who are truly not racist.  In Freshman Year at University of Toronto my roommate spent the whole night on the phone talking in Korean.  For years after every time I heard someone speaking Korean I cringed.  Although the song "Gangnum Style" has helped me get over that.

So deep in my heart I believe I am a ood person who has some character flaws.  Who doesn't?  No one is perfect.  But where is the line where character flaws became truly bad parts of ourselves.  Who decides that?  I believe God does, but you're free to draw your own conclusion.  Anyway, thank you for reading my ramblings.  Sometimes I just need to get some things out there.

Ugh...Always Drink Coffee BEFORE an Interview

My big interview and I stuttered and stammered my half asleep head off with the hiring manager.  He asked me some sourcing questions and I don't think a sensible answer came out of my mouth.  The rest of the interview went great.  I think I impressed everyone else.  But not impressing the hiring manager, big problem.  It was my dream job too.  With dream health insurance.  Damn.

I have another interview Monday morning with a placement agency and Jason has an interview that afternoon.  We're hoping one of our interviews turns up something.

I played with some of my piggies today and last night.  They're so sweet.  Jason and I are both home tomorrow so we'll catch up on chores, looking for jobs and computer time.  I will play with my piggies some more and Jason will play with the snakes.  It should be a good day.

Roll With The Punches

So I'm not going to Mount Ida College which means it's back to finding a full time job.  I have three interviews scheduled for this week.  One with an insurance company, one with a placement agency, and one at a pharmaceutical company.  The first one I don't think will work out because I think it's commission based which I don't do.  The second is a placement agency which does temp to perm job placements.  When they first contacted me they mentioned a Buyer position and an administrative assistant position.  Then when I set up my interview with them they said something about real estate.  Huh?  I have 0 experience in real estate.  The third interview at the Pharmaceutical company is for a Buyer position.  Hallelujah!  And it's not the preliminary interview with HR.  It's the full on 5 person multiple hour interview.  I can do everything in the job description, I have done it all already, and there's room to grow.  Plus it's in North Waltham!

I know previously I've said I'm not sure I would be happy being a Buyer again.  Well I have to tell you, I'm so excited for this job I feel like I never stopped!  I can't be a Vet Tech but I can be a Buyer.  I just have to convince these 5 people I'm perfect for the job.  I know I am!  But I haven't been a Buyer for five years now.  That's a long time.  I have to be confident and knowledgeable.  I read up on this company last Thursday and I plan on working on it more the next two nights.  I need this job.  I really do.

We picked Smores up from the vet and she's all recovered from her Upper Respiratory Infection.  Yay!

Life Goes On....

I am filing an appeal for my financial aid but the chances of it getting covered enough are slim to none. However in a strange twist of fates Banfield Pet Hospital called me and asked me for an interview for a Vet Assistant position.  I'm going to go on the interview and hopefully I'll get the job.  CVS is killing me.  The stress of the job is causing my stomach condition to get worse.  It's not that the job is overly stressful, it just isn't propelling me towards where I want to be in life.  I want to work with animals.  Or maybe become a Medical Assistant and help people.  I don't know.

Smores is sick.  We had to bring her back to PetSmart and they're treating her with antibiotics for two weeks.  Then we get to pick her up.

Anyway, regardless of what happens, life goes on.  I'm still married to a wonderful guy whom I love very much.  I just need to get out of my rut and do something useful with my life.  On the bright side, Minnesota and Rhode Island now are conducting gay marriages.  Yay for Equality!