Marriage and babies

I just checked the celebrity news today and one of the Survivor contestants has been secretly married for over a year.  So?  Well apparently they're pairing her up with Keith on the show.  Maybe I missed something or maybe it's the editing but I sure didn't see any kind of relationship going on other than maybe friendship and a smaller alliance.  Lord, what are people thinking these days.  If you're married, you're married.  You have to watch yourself and how people view you if you're going to go on a show like Survivor where there are cameras on you 24/7.  It's none of our business what happens next.  If something happened on the show than Whitney, it's up to you to work that out with your spouse.

And speaking of nobody's business, since when should anyone care how many babies the Duggars are having?  I know it's up to 20 now, but come on.  They're not breaking the law.  Who are we to judge what they're doing?  I personally would not have more than two.  But that's me.  I'm not sure why people are doing news stories on whether or not this family should have another child.  It's their business.  Not ours. 

It's not a Tumor! Oh but it was a tumor...

I have been exhausted for the last few years.  I always blamed my non-existent energy on mental health issues or being out of shape or something.  But something didn't feel quite right.  The exhaustion couldn't be normal though when I would mention it in physicals I was told to exercise more.  They just didn't understand that I couldn't even exercise.  I wasn't being lazy, there was just nothing to work with.

Finally I dug my heals in at my doctor's office and one of the doctors ran my calcium levels.  It was elevated.  More tests showed that my parathyroid hormone was also elevated and my vitamin D was frightfully low.  All of these are regulated by the parathyroid gland.  Off I went to an endocrinologist who with the help of an ultrasound, found a nickel-sized tumor in my neck on one of my parathyroid glands.

Four months later I was hooked up with a surgeon and out it was cut.  My vitamin D was normal. My calcium and parathyroid levels returned to normal, and now I'm just waiting for the scar to heal.  My energy level is through the roof and I'm trying to get used to having it again.

Next time I feel like something is off, I'm not going to be afraid to push the doctors harder to find out what's wrong.

Caesar's Ghost...

I had a dog named Caesar.  Actually he was my family's dog, but I loved him every bit as much as if he were only mine.  We had 14 great years together before he just got too sick to go on.  It was time to put him down.  My brothers were braver than I.  Two of them went with my step-father.  One of them stayed through it all.  I am grateful to him so that Caesar was not alone in the end.  This was 3 years ago.

For the last few months I've been having dreams where Caesar was alive.  In the dream I knew he wasn't supposed to be there, but I selfishly ignored my inner voice and enjoyed the dream.  Until I woke up.  Then the pain all came flooding back.  Usually I cry for awhile as quietly as possible so as not to let my husband hear.

I finally told some people today as I can't seem to let go of this pain.  My brother's response was "That's depressing and sucks".  My Dad seems to think I have some psychological issues that need working out.

I wish I could afford a therapist to help me figure out what my brain is trying to tell me.