Caesar's Ghost...

I had a dog named Caesar.  Actually he was my family's dog, but I loved him every bit as much as if he were only mine.  We had 14 great years together before he just got too sick to go on.  It was time to put him down.  My brothers were braver than I.  Two of them went with my step-father.  One of them stayed through it all.  I am grateful to him so that Caesar was not alone in the end.  This was 3 years ago.

For the last few months I've been having dreams where Caesar was alive.  In the dream I knew he wasn't supposed to be there, but I selfishly ignored my inner voice and enjoyed the dream.  Until I woke up.  Then the pain all came flooding back.  Usually I cry for awhile as quietly as possible so as not to let my husband hear.

I finally told some people today as I can't seem to let go of this pain.  My brother's response was "That's depressing and sucks".  My Dad seems to think I have some psychological issues that need working out.

I wish I could afford a therapist to help me figure out what my brain is trying to tell me.