The funny thing about depression, it sneaks up on you and before you know it, you're over your head. I've been having a lot of trouble with my sleep patterns which is wreaking havoc on my ability to take medications on time, and my mental state. Some nights I sleep too long, other nights I only get a few hours of sleep. So I'm trying to go to bed early every day, and waking up early every day. I have to be up early a few times a week for appointments so it's easier to maintain consistency if I do it this way.
But now I just feel lousy. My husband's surgery is only a few days away, and while I know it is routine with low risk, it still gives me some anxiety. But that's not the worst of it. I just feel lost. Like I have fallen off the path of life. Forgotten, alone.
All people get down, but not everyone knows what it's like to have depression take over. I have some friends who don't understand mental illness at all. One friend went through a depression during his divorce, but he still understands nothing about it. It's hard when people tell me to get up and get a job. Or even volunteer somewhere. It seems like such a monumental task. Impossible even.
I'm not lazy. But I get called lazy.
Life is hard. I get that. And I know this feeling will pass and I will feel normal again. At least, as normal as I ever feel. I just really need support right now. I have professional supports in place, but I've lost touch with so many of my social supports.
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