You Can't Always Get What You Want

I mentioned in my last post that I secretly want a child.  There are times when I see a screaming child at the mall or doctor's office that makes me question this wish.  I watch parents deal with the screaming in all sorts of different ways.  I wonder if my child would be a screamer.

I can't have children for a few reasons.  There are three main ones.

Reason Number 1: I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and I only ovulate about once every 8 or 9 months.  When we tried before to have a child, I didn't ovulate, even on the medications the OB/GYN prescribed.  And the stronger the dose was, the more manic I got.

Reason Number 2:  I am Bipolar, and going off my medications for 9+ months, along with hormonal mood swings, would be disastrous.  Who knows where I would end up?  And, do I really want to pass along Bipolar genes to an innocent child?  Not really.

Reason Number 3:  Finances.  There is no way we can afford a child.  Not even close.  Even with something like Welfare, WIC, and other government programs we could not afford a child.  My old PCP once said to me.  If your finances are bad at 35, you can wait a few years.  If you really want a child at 39, go for it and somehow it will work out regardless of finances.  I beg to differ.

I'm 35 year old now and getting too old to carry children.  I also don't want to be so much older than my child that their children will never meet their grandparents.  I have a friend who can't have children because she went through chemotherapy for breast cancer.  I share her pain.  Although if I truly wanted to and could afford it, I probably, with medical help, could still have a baby.  Who can afford artificial insemination or IVF?  Not us.

So for now we'll live with our fur and scale babies.  One day I will get a kitten who will cuddle with me and love me.  My guinea pigs love me but they poop and pee all the time.  And often they're not in the mood to be held.  I want something that will sleep in bed with me.  I want a baby, but perhaps, once the piggies have crossed over the Rainbow Bridge, I will have my kitty cat.