The Depression Hangover

When I drink a lot, which happens almost not at all these days. there are three parts.  The Intoxication, the Hangover the next day, and then the day after that comes the Depression Hangover.  I'm not sure if I'm unique in this pattern but most people say "huh?" when I talk about it.

This last Friday, I got quite intoxicated for no good reason.  It started out as a drink, then I liked how I felt so I had another.  And finally, since I wasn't thinking, I finished the bottle of Captain Morgan's.  All three drinks were very strong.  And the Captain Morgan's had been sitting there for 6 months.  I didn't just go out and buy it.  In my intoxication I wrote three very personal blog posts, and broke my own rule for mentioning names of others.

The next stage was the Hangover.  My, was it bad.  Thank goodness my mom took us to the grocery store in the afternoon instead of the morning.  I still had trouble waking up, woke up with a bad headache, and then while I was printing out the shopping list, I threw up all over my bed.  Fortunately I missed the computer.  Driving in my mother's van made the sickness even worse.  I got home from shopping and threw up again.

That was Saturday.  Sunday and Monday, and even today have been the Depression Hangover.  I started seeing worms crawling out of the ceiling and heard maniacal laughing coming from no where.  Then I was depressed.  I mean really depressed.  I cried because secretly I do want a child, and I confessed that to Jason.  I can't have children.  Period.  End of Story.  I don't ovulate more than once a year and I can't be off my meds for 9 months.  But it breaks my heart that I don't even get the chance.

So the Depression Hangover brings up terrible sadness and it's because alcohol reverses the effects of medication.  I was already in a vulnerable spot, having had hallucinations the week before.  I will still drink a glass of wine at social gatherings, and I will still have a beer or two with dinner when we can afford beer.  But all liquor is bad.  Except for Malibu.  That doesn't seem to affect me the same way all other hard liquor does.  Still, I will be cautious.

I'm not an idiot, though sometimes I act like it.  If your doctor says, no more than one drink a day, listen to them.