From Bipolar To Schizoaffective Disorder

In 2010, my Psychiatrist, my PCP, my Psychologist, and a number of specialists, all met at my doctor's office to discuss treatment for me,  I don't know exactly what they talked about, but what came out of that meeting was to put me on Clozapine (Clozaril).  It is a drug that is only available at specially registered pharmacies and there is a national registry to be on it.  Once a week, the patient is required to have blood work done to check Complete Blood Counts.  I didn't know much about the drug, but agreed to try it.  I was on it for several months.  My husband and I call it the Zombie Drug.  I would sleep 20-23 hours a day.  I ignored phone calls, friends, family.  I missed therapy appointments and was eventually dropped by my therapist.  Then I lost my health insurance.  I stopped taking it.

This last weekend I decided to google the drug.  It is used to treat severe schizophrenia.  This confused me because I don't have schizophrenia.  I asked my nurse psychiatrist about it on Monday,  She said that they most likely put me on it because I was having severe psychotic symptoms.  Today when I saw her, I worked up enough courage to ask her what my official diagnosis was.  For the last ten years, I had been told I was Bipolar.  I've been identifying as Bipolar.

She told me, I had Schizoaffective Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, and PTSD.

Holy shit.  I just sat there in shock for a minute.  It turned out my previous Psychiatrist had diagnosed me as such years ago, but neglected to tell me.  That's why they put me on Clozapine.

For those unaware of Schizoaffective Disorder, it's like a cross between Schizophrenia and either Bipolar or Depression.  For more information, check out this link:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/schizoaffective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20029221

So now here I sit.  Desperate to talk to someone, but unsure what to say.  I have therapy tomorrow.  I'll have to talk it out then.

The weird thing is that it fits.  I'm not questioning the diagnosis.  I just wish someone had bothered to inform me.