I Wish I Could Sing

I wish I could sing.  I love to sing.  And I really don't know how.  Not in a Jennifer-Lawrence-I-can't-sing-but-I-really-can kind of way.  When I was a little kid I had a nice voice and I guess I could sing, because I was always picked to sing in the solo quartet in school assemblies.  Then in 6th grade something happened.  I guess my voice deepened and I lost my sense of pitch, because we were rehearsing for an assembly when my music teacher stopped playing the piano and said in front of the entire class, "What is that awful croaking noise?!"  She meant me.  I sat down, emotionally wounded in ways that have still not healed to this day.

It took me years to sing in front of my friends.  And even then....

I would listen to music when I got home from school.  Showtunes mostly.  I would learn the music by heart and sing along.  If I did that I could mostly hit the notes.  I even learned how to hit the high soprano notes in Phantom of the Opera.  I'm not sure what my natural range is.  I think I'm an Alto, but in my falsetto I can sing higher.

I did perform once.  When I was 17, I was the Lighting Designer for The Fantastiks at a community theatre.  I wrote a Parody which was preformed by the crew at the final cast party.  I sang the parody of the female leads solo, which I did without thinking about, because it was a parody.  I got compliments and was told I should audition for a musical.  You see if I don't try maybe I can sing.  Maybe my big problem is nerves.  I doubt it.

My husband can't stand my singing.  He's the only one I sing in front of because he can't run away.  I know he'll love me regardless of how I sound.  Though often he will ask me to stop.

Maybe, one day, when I have money (in other words, never), I will take voice lessons.  Because I listen to music from dawn til dusk.  I love music.